


Jump and Let Me Be Your Wings

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Depression, It's kinda ambiguous if tehy were in a relationship or not, M/M, Sad Ending, Suicide, Use your imagination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 19:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11653023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 3 weeks ago, Phil was hit by a car. Dan can't take the pain anymore.This is really sad so read with caution.





	Jump and Let Me Be Your Wings

**Author's Note:**

> Just a heads up, this talks about depression, suicide, and death. If you're sensitive to any of those, please don't read.

It had been 3 weeks since Phil had died. 3 weeks too many without Phil. With every day that passed, Dan felt himself crumble a little bit more. 

They had gone out to the store because Dan had needed something and Phil had needed something. It was normal, they would do this every so often just as an excuse to get out of their flat. Even if they didn’t admit it, they enjoyed going out once in awhile and just enjoying the air outside.

And while they were out, they were admiring a bird in a tree, and a flower on a bush, and that weird thing in the sky, and just not paying enough attention to what was going on around them. They hadn’t seen the car. Phil never saw the car. It hit him in the back and he was dead before he hit the ground.

That’s what the paramedics said. That he had a quick death. That he didn’t suffer at all. That he was lucky.

And Dan had to agree with them. Because Phil didn’t have to suffer. Phil wasn’t sitting in a hotel room for the 21st day in a row because he couldn’t bear to enter their flat. Phil didn’t have to break the news to their fans. Phil didn’t have to do anything because he was dead now.

At the thought, Dan felt his eyes start to burn. He felt as if he should be crying, but he couldn’t. He’d cried enough to fill the whole Atlantic and then some more, but he couldn’t cry right now. 

And that hurt him. To feel so bad, and yet he couldn’t even shed a tear. What a good friend he was. 

And Dan couldn’t even distract himself with the internet. After he’d lost Phil, he lost his last true safe haven. Because the internet was filled with people talking about Phil. People asking questions, people offering condolences, people making memorials. He couldn’t stand it.

Dan couldn’t stand any of it much longer. The hotel room, the flat, even the memories burned a hole in his heart.

There was a word for what he was feeling. There’s always a word for what he’s feeling. He heard his parents say it when they thought he couldn’t hear. He heard his friends whisper it when he was lost in his own thoughts. He heard the demons taunt him with it, as if it made him weak.

Depression.

Depressed. 

Suicidal.

Phil had always helped him when he felt like this. Phil had always comforted him, reassured him, chased away the demons. Phil was his shield against his own mind. But now that shield was gone. 

Not only was his shield gone, but when it left it ripped a hole big enough to let 10 times as many demons in. 

When he felt like this before, Phil would always hide the razors and the knives. Phil never let Dan out of his sight for long.

Dan had always wondered how long he’d last without Phil. How long could he go before the demons swallowed him? How long would it be before he needed to see Phil? How long before he caved into the demons?

3 weeks. 3 weeks and he was already gone. 

Without even realizing it, he noticed he was standing on the balcony of his hotel room. He wasn’t sure why they gave him a room on the 17th floor, but he was glad. Surely 17 stories would be enough.

The wind whipped through his hair while the rain turned it curly. Not that it wasn’t curly before, but now he truly had hobbit hair. It always was Phil’s favorite look on him/

How long had it been raining for? How long had he been standing outside for? Surely he would catch a cold…

He’d catch a cold if he woke up tomorrow, but he didn’t plan on waking tomorrow. He didn’t plan on waking up again. Ever.

The ground was really far down. He could barely make out the people walking with umbrellas. He spotted a bright yellow one. It would be the kind of umbrella Phil would have liked. Something bright and colorful, standing out in a crowd of dreariness. 

But Phil wasn’t standing next to him. Phil wasn’t sharing his opinion on umbrellas. Phil hadn’t shared an opinion in 3 weeks. 

His eyes started to burn again. The tears still wouldn’t come. The rain would just have to do for now. He really was the worst person if he had to substitute rain drops for tear drops.

He looked at the sky. It was such a sad day. It matched how he felt on the inside. What a fitting way to go. With the world mocking you, saying “I can cry but you can’t? How pathetic.”

Looking forward, he saw Phil. Phil, who had to giant angel wings. Phil, who looked as beautiful now as he ever had. Phil, who was holding out a hand to him. Phil who was telling him, “I missed you Dan. I missed you so much.”

Dan knew this wasn’t really Phil, but he didn’t care. It was real to him, and that was enough. He shouted back to him, “I loved you Phil. Did you know that? I hope you knew that. Because I could never tell you, and you never asked.”

Phil looked at him with a look of pure adoration, in a way only Phil could before saying, “Of course I knew Dan. You didn’t need to say it. I loved you too. I still love you.”

For the first time in days, Dan felt tears beginning to fall. 

Phil reached out his hand to Dan, offering him a hand to hold as he climbed over the railing. Phil stood and watched. He looked at Dan and said, “Jump, Dan. Jump and let me be your wings.”

“Ok.”

Dan was falling, and falling, and falling. And then he wasn’t anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're feeling suicidal, please reach out. Whether it's to your friends or family, or it's to a hotline, talk to someone.


End file.
